Re-Introducing Myself
Starting from the Beginning
Depending on how many Substack subscriptions you have, you might (or not) have noticed that I have been quiet for a while.
It's been an intense time, that’s for sure. There is so much going on in the outer world (I am pretty sure you know what I mean). My perimenopausal body matches the movement—tension, confusion, chaos, infused by momentary spurts of clarity. The only difference is that I am not in tension with the tension. This makes the ride… quite a ride!
One of the incredible gifts of my “Misty Mind” (that you might have heard spoken of as brain fog) is that in the past few weeks, I couldn’t form thoughts so that they would stay long enough to be considered thoughts. They were (are) seeds of thoughts. Or the energetic potential of thoughts.
Suppose thoughts could be thought (ha!) of as clouds that move through the sky of our perception; more recently, they have become short bursts of light and energy, like lightning, that illuminate a part of reality for a split second and then disappear.
Quite fascinating.
In practical terms, writing a book (what I have been doing most of this year) became quite effortful, even impossible. In that context, I had at least two options: I could stress and imagine myself as “failing,” or I could pause the writing process. I chose the latter.
Through that pause, what became illuminated was the desire to relate to actual people, to go back to facilitating workshops, holding space, and exchanging with others, online and offline.
I took the cue. Moved by the provocation of a few local friends, I formed a small group of women in their mid-forties and fifties and invited them for a weekend retreat. Embracing the Matriarch was the name (and the intention) for the weekend.
It was magical.
When embraced, the misty mind is a gift. It loves the present moment. It reveals reality in snippets, making whatever is salient ever more special, like a spotlight effect.
Even though I planned the retreat, I mostly forgot my plan and had to be present to what part of the plan wanted to be shared at every moment. I already live primarily like that, but the misty mind offered me a new perspective. I am pretty taken by it.
Of course, efficiency becomes something entirely different through the mist, and I have to trust the twists and turns my days, weeks, and months take.
I might open the fridge to cook something for dinner and notice my hands doing something completely different. It makes me laugh!
If I were a chef at a restaurant, this would certainly be inconvenient, but at home, it's become entertainment. Even my kids laugh. Mum has become this creative potential that, from moment to moment, creates something new, even (especially) in the most trivial ways.
I say one thing and do another—inconsistent, you might think. Flaky, unreliable. But these words veil, occlude and strangle the creative potential that is trying to take shape. Can you see what could happen if I chose to believe such words?
I have seen post-menopausal women and have read enough to know that what is happening to me is temporary. Part of this incredible rite of passage I am going through. I could resist and have an excruciating time or soften into it and have a blast. I chose the latter.
This post also surprised me.
When I clicked on the “new post” tab, I had no thoughts. There was literally nothing. There is still nothing, and yet the words keep coming.
It is weird. It is as if my fingers are the sole containers of my words, and they make themselves visible to me only through the act of typing.
Again, it is surprisingly entertaining.
Relaxing into the mist is helping me see how much we ( I ) can contract around experiences that have the potential for wonder, joy, fun, and exquisite creativity.
Writing here from the space of mist feels exciting and new but also scary —like swimming in an open ocean without knowing where the edges are.
I originally started this post to (re)introduce myself and the work of C-lab.
The video below will give you a sense of where I want to take things and why this “sudden” shift.
If you have been around for a while, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
You have witnessed my transformative process, especially regarding how I share my work.
Fine Line Full Circle was born holding the original blueprint and the highest intention of my work: the joy and beauty that is possible through the creative process between men and women (and the whole spectrum of gender that composes a mix of masculine and feminine energies in different proportions).
My conversations at Fine Line Full Circle were philosophical and exploratory, yet I quickly realised that those conversations were missing something fundamental. They were missing a shared language and foundation of what it is to inhabit a female body and what it is to inhabit a male body.
In modernity, we have become utterly unaware of our rhythms and the pulse that drives us, to the point that the rhythmicity of the female body has become invisible even to us women.
Over the years, I have noticed that not having a shared language, foundation, and understanding of our (very different) rhythms puts a lid on the creative potential between men and women. We analyse things too quickly without realising that these differences are not constructs or thoughts. They are realities. Just like water is water and land is land.
These are also not differences about what we can or cannot do but differences in how we do what we already do.
For about 40 years of our lives, these differences play the tunes of our sex hormones and later morph into something else.These differences in rhythm are significant. They are fundamental to our complementary roles but also the source of much misunderstanding.
So, here I am, humbled by my journey thus far, starting it all again—this time from the beginning, through mist.
I am very grateful for your support.
Please stick around and join me on the ride. I’d also love if you could share this with friends.
More to come…let us see where the mist wants us to go next.
Oh and please subscribe to the C-Lab youtube channel.